Letting Go

For most of this week I have been feeling uninspired and blah. Nothing meaning appears to be happening and the activities I participate in and the work that I do seem to have very little impact. So really, what is the point of it all? And when I could offer myself no tangible positive answer, I then immersed myself into considering, my next move, how do I move forward? This matter of moving forward and deciding on the next thing to do has had me so preoccupied, that the week seemed to have blown  and I did very little. This week I started reading, and paused, three books. I simply could not finish any of them. I did very little writing. I have been so lost in my thoughts and today (Saturday) I feel as if I have to confront the issues I have been having because another week of floating is unacceptable.


My primary challenge has been that I struggle with remaining present. I am either wondering or imagining what will or should happen tomorrow, next week, and next year. When I am not in the elusive future I am pondering on what has past and wishing I could change something. This frequent looking back has more often than not caused me misery. Now there is value in reflection, I will always support constructive self-assessment. However, this return to times past must be with the few to learn something. I have not been having any sort of personalised Sanfoka moments. I have not been reflecting to affirm a life lesson, I have been rethinking past mistakes.   This week most of my issues arise as I reconsidered and reconstructed activities and created, “what if” scenarios and alternative outcomes.


Sankofa,  an Asante Adinkra symbol that means go back and fetch what you forgot The symbol is expressed as a bird that flies forward while looking backward with an egg (symbolizing the future) in its mouth.

When I am not looking back, far, far back, I seem to find myself leaping forward. I am anxious about the next stage, and last week I was quite taken in by fantasies. I daydreamed about buying a house, decorating this house, hosting dinner parties in this house; being married and having babies.

I am attempting a mental reset. I am seeking to regain control of my thoughts and hold firmly to the present moment. I am letting go of all that is already gone and releasing the need to constantly anticipate what will happen next. In this moment I am committing to focusing on what is here. Right this moment everything is good just as it is.  In this moment, I am home, I am relaxed, and I am surrounded by love and warmth.


2 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Marsha-Gay says:

    It is like you are in my head, this is how I have been feeling for a while now. Anxious about what’s next for me. I try to remind myself to focus more on the process rather just focusing on the outcome. This will fall into place.

    Liked by 1 person

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