Lately I have been considering self-worth. How much am I worth? This consideration moves beyond intrinsic values and perceptions and beliefs about my character, it also encompasses my financial net worth. How much should I be paid for services? In May into June of this year, I have experienced job interviews and job applications and salary negotiations and questionnaires that required me to answer this question. How much am I worth? And for the first time since I have been working as a professional researcher and writer, I was confident in offering a figure for how much I am worth. This felt good. This self-awareness of my value as a worker and what I have to offer took me some time to achieve but I am grateful for the journey and I am happy with where I am now.
Placing a monetary value on my work as a writer, researcher, content creator and editor has often made me uncomfortable. In the past, I have been more than willing to allow whomever I was going to be working with, make me an offer, rather for me to initiate any conversation about compensation. And then of course, I never negotiated. I simply said “thank you” and started the project. Looking back I can clearly see where this has not served my best interest. I can recall quite a few freelance writing and research projects that have taken far more of my time and resources than I have been paid for. Essentially, I worked for less than I am valued.
Last week, I started reading Nancy Levin’s self-help meets financial wellness book, Worthy: Boost Your Self-Worth to Grow Your Net Worth. Levin identifies ten steps towards to life of high self-worth, high net worth and financial ease. The book’s focus is on feelings of guilt, regret, worthlessness, and low self-esteem, dependency and even generational cycles of poor money management.
Now I haven’t completed the book, so far I am at Step Two, admit who holds the purse strings. But what I found was really eye opening. From the first three exercises that I did, I was shown how certain negative money habits and negative self-talk and feelings of sadness, regret and even anger have led me towards making poor decision. These are aspects of my life that I am not proud of but I have been vaguely aware of for some time. I have had in some blinders on when it came to my finances. Despite this awareness I have not fully tackled all these problems and this is what I am working towards.
Since March of this year, I have been on a personal austerity plan, where I only focus on my needs, while I do my best to clear my debts.
At first, my primary focus was finding ways to make more money so I can pay off all that owe quickly. In February and March I was keen on getting part time jobs or freelancing so that I can earn more. Slowly, I am releasing the need to instantly say yes to what appears to be an opportunity. I am now willing to take my time to fully consider how much time or work I would have to put into a project. This is something I am very keen on developing as an integral part of work process.
So far, I have seen some results and in time I do believe that I will be debt free. But it takes time. And it is hard. While, I know what my end goal is and I am committed to this course of action for the remainder of 2016, I often have moments where I do still berate myself. Time and time again I get angry at myself for getting into this financial mess in the first place. This constant back and forth is truly useless. The negative self-talk and self-loathing is draining. The feelings of regret do not help to resolve the problem. In fact it only makes it worse.
So far in charting a way forward that is debt-free and filled with hopes of financial ease these actions make a difference:
- Careful planning
- Setting reasonable and manageable goals
- Checking credit and financial statements and knowing how much is owed
- Paying credit cards bills on time
- Paying all bills as soon as they come in
- Tracking spending
- Making shopping lists and meal plans (and sticking to them)
- Firmly committing to not use credit cards
- Saving a percentage of monthly earnings in a dedicated savings account
- Being patient during the transition
It is also helps to have an accountability partner. However, it is possible to change for ourselves completely on our own. I believe it is possible to transform our lives if we commit to making small consistent changes, learning, growing and being gentle with ourselves while we work towards a better life.
Yes, it definitely is a hard thing when it comes to deciding on your self worth or rather, the monetary worth of your work. I do often face the dilemma when it comes to charging my services through Writerly Yours. But I think it’s also a matter of confidence. If you think your work is worth a vase of flowers, you totally do deserve that and nothing less. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Priya. Yes it takes time to build that confidence. But it is necessary to develop that sense of self and an understanding of the value of work.
LikeLiked by 1 person